I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
