he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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