i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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