I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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