"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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