You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize