1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
