I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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