hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
