I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
