Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
