I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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