I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
