Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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