grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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