After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
