This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We have started to decorate penises.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
