If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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