He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
