pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
