I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
