I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Tornado booty call.. dedication
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The ass gains better be worth it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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