you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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