i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize