awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
