If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
