He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
