Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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