just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
worst night to have a conscience
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
