Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
