are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
