sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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