Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
