i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize