his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
