My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
