You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
