So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
