i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
