hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
