You're my little dorito
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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