walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
