Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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