I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
