My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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