Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
