When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
