Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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