Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
