You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
