drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize