just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
