Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
