I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
