If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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