I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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