i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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