I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
