It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
