Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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