I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
