Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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