watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
