I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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