Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
