Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
