Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am one with the molecules
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
