I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize