it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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