after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my shit smells like andre
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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