She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
