Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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