its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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