Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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