Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
