she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
