Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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