I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
