apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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