Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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