fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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