I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
