Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
